Desiderata
by Meg2
Summary: A follow-up to "Gambit" Spoilers for all 8 books and Wolfsbane and Mistletoe
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation". This story begins a more marked departure from Charlaine Harris's story line.

**Desiderata**

I.

The last week of August had come to a close. Pam was resting well in Bill's house. Life had seemed to fall back into a normal rhythm. I had started my fall classes, my first full semester, at LSUS. I was taking three classes, in an ambitious attempt, considering my work schedule. But with classes being shorter during the regular semester, I figured I could do two classes, Political Theory and another English Lit class in the mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays and one, German, on Monday and Wednesday night. I'd struggled over the choice of a language class. Everybody had been giving me advice on which language to take but in the end I chose German because Eric spoke German fluently and I figured I could practice and get help at home if I needed it.

I was keeping busy with work, with my new classes, with fussing, along with Amelia and Felicia, over Pam. But part of me was dwelling heavily on the events that took place in Memphis. I can say that unfortunately I wasn't feeling too guilty over getting rid of Rasul. Between what he'd done to Pam, _not_ done to help Sophie-Anne, and his plans for Eric and me, I really was not feeling too generous on the Rasul front. And I knew what I'd done to him was far more merciful than what Eric, Felipe and Bill would have done to him. No, I was ruminating a lot about my ability to basically maul someone's brain in order to get what I wanted, when I wanted it. I had found something in myself those days. Ugly emotions and thoughts that shook my sense of myself. It was something that saved my lovely friend, and something that appeared to send a clear message to anyone who would threaten the safety of me or of anyone I loved. But the role of "avenging angel Sookie" was not sitting well with me. I wasn't sure that I liked what I'd found in myself, or that I trusted it wouldn't alter me in ways I did not wish to be changed.

As I reflected back over the past three years, I could see that my growing involvement in supernatural politics had put me into a position of having to occasionally squander my principles in order to survive or help someone I loved. I was troubled not so much by choices I had made, but by the ones I might have to make in the future. Where would the line be drawn? How far was too far? Would there come a point where my attempts to justify my actions would just become rationalizations for doing whatever the hell I wanted?

Part of me wanted to disengage for a time.

I told Felipe that I needed the rest of August off and maybe part of September. He was still reeling from the revelation that Rasul had been working for Russell all along, had taken out Sandy, was planning to take out Eric and Victor, overthrow him in Louisiana and Arkansas for Russell and takeover _me_. He said he could see why I needed a rest. He was quite amazed on the last night of the conference, when I'd 'fessed up, at Eric's prompting and with no absolutely apologies, that I had staked Rasul while he slept, had rescued Pam, and that Russell Edgington was a threat to keep a very close eye on. Keeping Victor's involvement out of that situation was deft work on my part, since Felipe appeared to tread down that path about Sigebert and Rasul surviving in the Baton Rouge attack.

My staking Rasul had definitely protected Victor. Now Rasul could tell no tales... I'm sure Victor was relieved that Rasul couldn't spill the beans under the usual vampire methods. I had to ask myself why I even cared about keeping Victor's brief involvement in Russell and Rasul's plot quiet. By any stretch, I had ample evidence that Victor was rather unpredictable. But part of me felt firm in the belief that he had chosen which side he was on. Plus, I had this nagging feeling somewhere inside, a sense of connectedness being the only way I could describe it. In spite of everything, I realized that even when I'd tried to avoid Victor, actively distrusted Victor, some part of me still saw something I _liked_ in Victor. I felt connected to him somehow. I had to remember, when I finally sat down again with Niall, to ask him about Victor and how he knew him.

Thoughts of Niall took me to another deep well of thought. We had spoken several times after I was home from Memphis. I was not keen to see him, and told him I needed space. It seemed that Eric and Victor had filled him in on the Ancient Pythoness's decree that I was _hers_ (in addition to her generous recognition that I was also Eric's). Niall had tried to broach the subject several times with me by phone but I just deflected traveling down that avenue of conversation. In fact the whole subject of who I was, _really_, and what I was supposed to be capable of and all that stuff was just a subject that overloaded my sensibilities, currently. Niall had mentioned, when I had last spoken to him, that he was investigating my heritage. He even mentioned that he might be sending Dr. Ludwig to get a blood sample for genetic testing. I told him I'd have to think about that one. Part of me thought that who and what I was didn't matter, that it was completely irrelevant. What mattered were the choices I made. Those choices came, in no small measure, with responsibilities. What if I wasn't up to them?

Of all the things that weighed on me though, none compared to the way things were with Eric. Eric had been rather distant in the weeks following Memphis. While part of him loved this vision of me as some sort of Amazon, I wondered if another part of him was apprehensive about what he'd gotten himself into. Eric had always pretty much let me be myself but I think he had always assumed that if he really needed to control me, he could. The events surrounding his argument with Niall that evening in Bon Temps, and the results when he actually did try to control me, trying to prevent my talking to Felipe, had pretty much disabused him of the fact that he was totally in charge of me. Even if it was subtle, I'd felt a change in our dynamic. I was still a bit haunted by the angry look in his eyes when he had tried to silence me and after a few moments of that I'd just bucked him out of my mind. I remembered, and know he did as well, the Pythoness's comment to him, that I belonged to myself. He knew me so well, and knew that the tension with the whole vampire _mine_ concept and my independence lay at the crux of a compromise in our entire relationship. I was _his_ and was more than willing to admit that. But I still needed to be extant within our relationship. We were so bound to one another that sometimes I felt as if Eric had tried to just absorb me into himself. Only I couldn't be totally absorbed. I wouldn't let myself.

While I knew that things were, or at least would be okay, with Eric and me, I felt the loss of something that had been less complicated, easier in feel. Sometimes, I was angry at myself for holding on to the illusion that our relationship ever had many uncomplicated moments. We were two very complicated people. My lack of experience in relationships really limited me at times. I felt like I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him how much I loved him but that I wanted to feel like I was more of an equal. I didn't know how I could to do that. Eric certainly wasn't speaking his mind either. At least we had our blood bond keeping us in tune with one another. It reassured me that we were fine, even if we were having growing pains. It was ironic that what almost a year ago seemed like such an invasion of my life now was the one thing that provided the greatest comfort. The comfort of being close to him, the reassurance of it. It was like sustenance to me.

I sighed. I looked back on the events surrounding the Memphis summit and about the best thing I could say was that at least there were no bombs.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation".

**Desiderata**

II.

On Friday, the first of September, Niall arrived around 7:30 pm, unexpectedly. He popped right into the living room while I was reading. I had just been thinking of putting away my book to go upstairs to Eric, since it was almost sunset. I was caught off-guard because Niall was usually much more formal. He didn't even signal his arrival the way Claudine does. He just popped right into a living room chair. He seemed rather ruffled.

After dispensing with some pleasantries, Niall asked me if I had heard from the Pythoness. I had not, I told him, and wasn't really expecting to hear from her. He looked really stressed.

"Grandfather, you seem really agitated. Are you alright?"

He looked at me quizzically for a moment, his head tipped at an angle and a peculiar smile on his face.

"It is charming to me that you ask if I'm alright before asking what I'm 'agitated' about."

Of course, part of me thought that since I was so used to Niall not really telling me what was on his mind, it was really more relevant to ask if he was alright, since I probably wouldn't be privy to what he was upset about unless I did something I was still, thankfully, feeling morally uncomfortable doing.

"Well, I'm not used to your sharing much with me, so it's not my instinct to ask for specifics."

He looked chastened.

"Sookie," he sighed, "I am not trying to withhold information from you."

I looked at him with a rueful smile. Not trying until I asked something he didn't want to answer, I thought to myself.

"Well then, would you answer a question?"

Niall nodded.

"Who is Victor Madden? Why was he doing your bidding? What does he have to do with all this?" I paused for a moment to think about how to express what I felt but had not put into words before. "How is he connected to us?"

Niall smiled and his eyes twinkled a bit.

"You feel his connectedness, I take it?"

It was my turn to nod, albeit slowly. "Yes, in an odd way."

"Victor Madden is Dermot's grandson. He is your second cousin and my great-grandson. He was made vampire in the early 1700's, much to Dermot's, and my, dismay."

I tried to absorb this information. It was definitely more concrete information than I'd had about the fae side of the family in some time.

Niall continued, "Actually, the reason that I'm here is that I have more information about family for you."

I was still stuck on Victor. "Does he know he's my cousin? Why did he never tell me this himself?"

"He's known he's your cousin since late July, when I pressed him into further service to protect you. Before that, the relationship between you was kept more ambiguous. I forbade him to tell you because it was another distraction. I knew he would respect my wishes on the matter. He knew there would be consequences if he didn't." I flashed on a vague recollection of Victor saying that Niall had been upset that he had hurt my wrist that time in May. Was his way of dealing with Victor similar to the way he dealt with Eric?

"Grandfather, did Dermot and Fintan have other children?"

I could see his hesitation. He looked me in the eyes. "I'd prefer to discuss that another time. I'd rather discuss some things about your more immediate family."

At this point, Eric padded downstairs barefoot, wearing a t-shirt and jeans, looking less than delighted.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite in-law," he said sarcastically.

"Eric," Niall nodded, ignoring Eric's tone. "I came to speak to Sookie about her family. I think you might be interested in hearing some of the history I have uncovered, as well."

I held my left hand out to Eric, as a gesture that I'd like him to join me on the couch. After a moment's hesitation, which felt like eons to me, he took my hand and sat next to me, turning my face to him with his free hand and kissing me gently.

"Good evening, Lover," he said softly. "I missed waking up with you." He turned and stared coldly at Niall.

I looked at Eric with an ache. He was so reluctant to sit there with me and Niall. The last time Niall had been around when Eric awakened, they ended up having a battle in which Eric had been literally slammed to the ground several times. I still felt strong memories of how violent their argument was. I'd gotten very upset and that had brought things out of me that amazed everyone, not the least me. I thought of how they must have argued in early January over Niall's magical Christmas gift, which had messed with my mind. I remembered Pam saying she had never seen Eric so angry and not kill someone. Had Niall fought so harshly then, even when he was clearly in the wrong, I wondered? If so, Eric's persistence in arguing with him amazed me all the more. Niall's power had been much more frightening than I had imagined. I'd seldom seen Eric really fight, but when I had, it was rather daunting. But not to Niall. Given that, I had to be honest that I understood Eric's complete lack of gracious feelings for Niall being in his home. Eric was being civil only for my sake.

Niall and Eric regarded each other silently. I'm sure Victor's report that Niall thought Eric too proud to ask for help protecting me was still a sore point with Eric on top of everything else.

I tried to bridge the awkward silence by telling Eric the news about Victor being my cousin. Eric absorbed it quietly and then crossed his arms and turned to me.

"Well, is _that_ the reason why you were covering up his involvement in the attack Rasul engineered on Felipe and me last fall?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

I stiffened. "Um, noooo. I…."

Niall looked puzzled. He didn't know about Victor's little escapade, either, it seemed.

"Because let me tell you, Lover, it really bothers me that you've just swept it under the carpet," Eric continued. "He was involved and you are covering for him as if it never happened. As if you think it means nothing and that I won't figure it out for myself."

I turned red. I hadn't really told anyone about what I had learned on the subject, other confronting than Victor at the summit. Eric must have sensed that I was leaving out information when I told Felipe and figured out that since Victor had connections in the past with Russell that he too was involved in at least that attempt on their lives. Victor had encouraged Felipe to follow Eric the fated night that Sigebert almost killed them both, of course, without knowing that Eric had gone to see me, or what our family connection was. He'd put all of us at risk, not just Felipe. Not just Eric. Although Eric was very quick on such things, I'd managed to convince myself that he didn't know. So this was part of the reason that Eric had been acting distant, I could see now. I felt guilty. I hadn't been straight with him. But I could also feel a twinge of jealousy from him. Could he actually have wondered whether I was attracted to Victor? I liked Victor, but I was definitely not _attracted_ to him. In fact, even before I knew about our kinship, I felt sort of the way I did about Jason, with Victor. Victor had tried to be kind to me in Memphis. He had been brotherly. I didn't feel as comfortable with him as I did with Sam, but I trusted him enough to believe he was firm in his support.

I had to gather my thoughts. "Eric, Victor _regretted_ his involvement. He broke completely with Russell after the whole thing and tried to ingratiate himself with Felipe. But then he got stuck mediating between Felipe and me, because Niall was pressuring him to try to safeguard me. He was really trapped."

"Oh, I _feel_ for him, Sookie" said Eric dryly. "Sometimes you are so incredibly naïve, my Lover. What makes you think that he's not going to swap sides again? You read his mind three weeks ago and it was all nice and rosy?" Eric could be so cutting at times.

"I can't explain it to you. I just know that he won't, Eric. He's firmly committed to us, and he knows that I know what he did and that he pulled back from it. I know you think I shouldn't, but I trust him. And I guess, Niall trusts him, too."

I glanced at Niall. Didn't he trust Victor?

"Victor has a tendency to be rather slippery and headstrong, Sookie," responded Niall.

Eric gestured toward Niall, looking at me, as if saying "See? I told you so."

I threw up my hands. "Fine! Whatever you say. Caution is in order. What was the _real_ reason for your visit?" I said turning to my grandfather.

"You and I will discuss more on the subject of Victor later," Eric said sternly, looking me in the eye, before giving his attention to Niall.

Niall looked at me, smiled and nodded.

"Sookie, I have been investigating your family history, trying to identify more about your ancestry. I looked into the ancestry of Adele Hale Stackhouse."

I clarified to Eric that this my dear Gran, who had been murdered a little over two years before and nodded to Niall to continue.

"The Hales in your family were all from Cornwall or Somerset, in England. The majority were from Glastonbury. The family lineage traces back to about 800 AD there."

Eric moved forward with interest at this information.

Niall, seeming to catch the drift of Eric's interest, said "But I have not discovered any solid link to druidry or to Ynys Witrin, the Isle of Glass."

"The Isle of Glass?" I asked.

"Avalon, " Eric replied. "Before my time."

"And before mine," said Niall. "But still, Cornwall, Somerset and Wales are magical places, with many magical influences, Ynys Witrin or no. Telepathy could easily have been passed down through that line, on your father's side." He was always careful not to mention Hunter. I had not told Eric about Hunter's ability yet.

"But the Pythoness said that I was something 'other', grandfather. Even if all of that Arthurian stuff was true, which I guess I don't even know anymore since there's just so much in the world that was thought to be myth that turns out is true, the druids and priestesses of Avalon would still have been human or fae, right?"

Niall nodded. "Which is why I turned to your mother's family."

I knew very little about my mother's family, beyond her name and the fact that her family was supposedly Irish.

"All I know is that they were Irish. My mother was not a very forthcoming person about her family history."

"Sookie, have you ever heard of the Tuatha Dé Danann?" Niall asked.

Eric let out a low gasp.

"No, I haven't. Come again? What was it?"

"Tuatha Dé Danann," Niall repeated. "The children, or the people of Danu."

"Who was Danu?" I asked.

"A goddess," answered Eric in a hushed voice. He looked at Niall questioningly. "Sookie is descended from the Tuatha Dé?

"I believe so. It appears that she is descended through the line of Nuada, likely through the Morrígan herself."

Eric nodded as if that had meaning for him. Wow, was he lucky because I was totally lost here.

"But who were these 'children'?" I asked.

"Sookie, the Tuatha Dé Danann were a legendary race of people who settled in Ireland. They conquered much of northern Europe thousands of years before Christ. The Celts probably descended from them. The Tuatha Dé Danann had strong occult and mystical powers. They embodied some of the most ancient forms of magic. Some were shapeshifters. Some were seers. All possessed strong magic. They were the original Druids. They taught magic to others who were later called Druids. Some believe that all living Fae are descended from the original Tuatha Dé Danann bloodline, but they the they are a distinct race. The Tuatha Dé Danann possessed deep reservoirs of magic within themselves. Magic which was not learned and which could not be taught."

"But, my mother wasn't magical. Why would I be? And that blood would have been impossibly dilute after several millennia, right? How can it make sense that any gift I have would come from that?"

Eric put his hand on mine. "Sookie, you're a mixture of several different bloodlines of fae and human and then the Tuatha Dé. And then you have had a steady supply of my blood. It's a mix of magical blood that could be a very potent combination. And you have more than just the telepathic ability. You've already _seen_ that you do. This bloodline could explain it. You can't imagine what they are like, the powers they possess. I have seen few of them and all were men and all were very old."

I tried to absorb the information but it just seemed too far-fetched. Like something out of a fantasy. And if I did have more abilities, did I even want them?

"I guess I'm just having a hard time buying it, okay? It seems just impossible."

Eric leaned back and asked, "Niall, your concern is that if she could be descended from the Morrígan, that would draw the Pythoness's interest?"

"What is the Morrígan?" I asked, getting frustrated again by the fact that Eric and Niall just seemed content at times to talk right over my head.

"Who," said Eric. "The Morrígan was a person, a queen."

"A great queen, Sookie. That's what the name means. She was a great and fearsome leader. She is associated with prophecy, great magic and battle," said Niall.

I looked at him and narrowed my eyes. "Well, I am certainly not interested in prophecy. I'm not sure I'm interested in anything beyond what I've already gotten used to. It took 25 years to find a way to deal with the telepathy. The last thing I'm interested in is developing anything newer, more stressful and potentially more dangerous..."

Eric interrupted. "Do you think the Pythoness knows she is descended from the Tuatha Dé?"

Niall sighed. "I know she does. I encountered one of her people when I was conducting my research. That is why I came here in haste, Sookie. That is why I was agitated. In my zeal to find out about your history, I was not as careful in covering my tracks as I should have been. Although, since Eric had told me she had tasted your blood, it seems likely that she may have already have guessed your origins. But I wanted to tell you myself, rather than have her inform you of your ancestry."

I looked at my grandfather sadly. "She said she despises you. She said… "

He raised his hand to stop me. "As I told you when last we met, you should remember what you know of me directly. Pythia and I have a long history. She certainly does not regard me highly, I am sure."

"What would it be to her if I had this ancestry, grandfather? Why would it matter?"

His face darkened. "Pythia is more than 2300 years old Sookie. Perhaps she is weary. Her ability may be waning. You are fresh and young, and gifted with a bloodline at least as old, if not older, than hers."

Well, that kind of gave me the shivers, but it didn't seem to me, based on my conversation with her, that I'd be much use to her no matter what my bloodlines were.

"But she said you had ruined me by letting me bind myself to Eric as I did. She was very angry about it." I glanced quickly at Eric. I had not told him about all of my conversation with the Pythoness. He had not asked.

"What else did she say to you?" Niall asked.

I replayed my conversation with her in my mind.

"She asked me who had trained me. I told her no one. She asked me who and what I could read. I told her humans and weres, but then she could tell I was not being totally truthful and told me she knew I could also read vampires and fairies, too. I got very nervous because then she called in one of her guards. He was a demon. For a second I thought she was going to do something to me but instead she asked me to read him.

Eric turned to me, eyes narrowed. "And?"

"And I did. I mean, I had to really focus because their thought signature is so odd. But because I'd been around Mr. Cataliades, I had an idea of what it felt like, where it was, so to speak."

Eric turned to Niall and then the two of them looked at me in shock.

"What?" I asked.

"Sookie," said Eric, "her demons are elemental. What you did is like reading fire, or water, the air or a rock…"

"It wasn't _that_ hard. Besides, after I've had enough of your blood, I've already felt like I could read things like that- the trees, the walls, rocks. It's no joke. I can feel the energy in everything. Everything has an energy and a signature. He really had _thoughts_. Simple, common thoughts. Like achy knees and thinking she was demanding."

"What else did she say?" asked Niall.

"When the demon came in, I was unsettled and I looked at Eric waiting outside in the hall. My arm was bleeding a bit because she'd stabbed me with her nail to sample my blood. I was nervous and I looked at Eric, because I wanted to feel safe. She had been turned away but all of the sudden I guess she locked onto the fact that we were bound to one another. She got angry and wanted to know how I got the fae bond, but before I could even reply she said she knew it was you," I said gesturing to Niall. "She was really angry and said you had 'ruined me' and she asked me why I had 'shackled' myself to Eric. When I didn't answer she shouted at me. So I told her I loved him, that I couldn't imagine my life without him, that I was his. She was very annoyed but still made me read the demon. And so I did, but before I could even tell her what he was thinking, it was as if… you know how they have those people doing simultaneous translation at the United Nations? It was like that. As I read his thoughts, she read me and saw what he was thinking. She asked me if I would be turned vampire and I got very upset and told her I wanted to stay as I am. She told me I could _go _as I am."

Niall leaned back and looked as if he was deep in thought.

"It is true that you cannot be a priestess with her because of your tie to Eric. The ties to Eric would make it impossible for her to consider using you to replace herself," said Niall. "Any harm at all to Eric would harm you, and he has a hold over you, even if just an emotional one."

I cringed at the part about being a potential replacement. Thank goodness for the bonds. On the other hand, Eric was bothered by all of the latter part of Niall's comments.

"But clearly she wants something or sees Sookie as serving some purpose," said Eric. "Why else would she have conferred her protection on Sookie?"

"Was there anything else she told you?" asked Niall.

"Well, she said that she would arrange to have me trained. Actually, I thought it was odd because she used 'I' so many times in talking to me, but then she said 'we' will arrange to have you trained. I didn't know if she meant you, too" I said, nodding to Niall. "Later, when I went to sit next to her, in front of everyone, while she was speaking about the case she would hear, she talked to me telepathically. Very sarcastically, she told me to stop whining about Pam. She told me to use my skills. She told me to read the room, or the iron in the walls, or do anything other than going on with my wailing. Then she insulted you some more, grandfather. For your neglect of my potential, etc."

"And?" Niall asked.

"Well… I did read the room. I was nervous sitting up there but then I got calm and realized that, because I was with her, and all the focus was on her and everyone knows her power so I could sneak in under the radar, so to speak, and really read everyone. That was how I found out who had Pam, and how I got all the information about the plot that Russell and Rasul had made against Felipe, and what they wanted to do with me, with Eric."

"That's how you found out where Pam was?" Eric offered. I hadn't told him about that part either.

"No, that came later, when I was upstairs in the room. After I left you downstairs, because I was so frustrated because it was going to take too long the way you, Victor, Felipe and Bill were going about things. So I went upstairs and I scanned for Rasul in the hotel. But he wasn't there. So then I got where he was from Betty Jo Pickard. And I got his room number from Victor."

"What do you mean, you got it from Betty Jo?" asked Eric, looking at me strangely.

"I made her tell me. I really smacked her mind. I asked her telepathically, like mind to mind, and she gave me an image of where Pam was being held as a reply."

"You mean you looked for Rasul, and asked Betty Jo Pickard from the ninth floor of the building all the way downstairs in the Mezzanine?" Eric asked amazed. "What happened to needing to touch people?"

"I scanned the _entire building_ for Rasul, like I said. I was sitting upstairs with Batanya and Clovache. Oh, and by the way, grandfather, thank you _so_ much again for sending them. I won't tire of giving you my thanks. I know they are very expensive to summon. I really can't thank you enough for asking for them specifically. I felt so safe, and really comfortable with them. It truly was a wonderful thing to do for me."

Niall looked at me with merry eyes. "I have spoke to them since. They said they like you. That you were very kind and very fierce. They did seem rather alarmed that you had married a vampire, however. They told me to ask for them again if you are in danger. They seemed to think that being with Eric might increase your potential need for their services."

At that I smiled to myself. I liked them very much, as well. They might be fierce themselves, but we were all just women, with more in common than we had differences.

Eric was not distracted by the thoughts of Britlingens who disapproved of him. "You weren't afraid that Betty Jo was going to know it was you reading her, asking her about Rasul?"

"No," I said. "At that moment, I didn't care anymore. She's actually very afraid of me now. She's maybe even more afraid of me than she is of Russell. She doesn't want to admit that she gave up the goods on where Pam was, so she won't tell Russell I can read vamps. She was pretty horrified by what they were doing to Pam, as it was. She's afraid that Russell would let someone do that to her if she were taken. She won't tell. The next day she was worried that I could stake her, too, just because she knew it was me in her head. But she's also questioned a lot of the stuff that Russell does and she knows I know that about her. She's really cautious where I'm concerned, now. Not like Russell. Russell still can't believe I killed Rasul. He can't believe I got Pam back and that I know what they did and what they had planned. He really hates me. I think he hates me more than he hates you, Eric."

Niall and Eric did not look happy with my assessment of the present state of things with Russell.

Niall asked me if there was anything else that I thought was important.

"She said the Word was upon me. I have no idea what that means."

"The Word is the language of magic, Sookie. It is an ancient language to weave magic. It is what you used that night that Eric and I quarreled. The fact that it came to you spontaneously was what led me to the idea of the Tuatha Dé. Descendents of the tribe still possess deep wells of magic and the potential for great power. You clearly possess abilities that are untapped."

Well, I thought I'd just skip that whole part of tapping them, then. Thank you but, no.

"The Pythoness told me when I saw her upstairs in her room that the reason I hadn't developed my abilities more was that I didn't have the _desire_ to do so yet. I didn't understand what she meant at the time. In a way, I think the reason she called for me that night at the summit was because she saw the taking of Pam as a potential catalyst of sorts, for getting me to desire having more… power. Or more control over things. Because I did. I felt powerful. Very powerful. But I also…" here I trailed off. I didn't know how to express what I had felt. I was ashamed of what I had felt. It had been true hatred and a desire to destroy. Those were desires utterly foreign to me before that night. It had truly frightened me.

Eric sensed my fear. "What is it, my Love?" He still had my hand in his and rubbed it as if it had gone cold.

Niall looked at me curiously. "How did you feel when you did this reading of the audience Sookie? Other than powerful, how did you really feel?"

"I felt hatred, grandfather. When I found the culprits I felt overwhelmed with my hatred of them. I wanted… to destroy them," I said, finishing in a whisper.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation".

A/N 2- As an Irish woman, it's easy to see the Morrígan as a proto-feminist.

**Desiderata**

III.

Niall was silent and reflective.

Eric looked at me and nodded his head. Of course, this was less troubling to a spouse who was a vampire, I suppose. "That _would_ be the Morrígan influence," he said. "I'm sure you'll go and read everything you can on her." At that he chuckled. "But Sookie, while the forces she controlled could be destructive, they could also be positive. She was very independent in an age where women had few rights and women who asserted themselves were seen as evil. You have to understand any descriptions of her in the context of her time. Some aspects of her nature are very much your own- she wanted recognition for her abilities and partnership in an age where women were little more than baby factories."

Niall still said nothing.

"You don't say anything grandfather. Why?"

"I am thinking, that's all. Pythia knew that you had lost your friend and she also likely knew then that you were at great risk of harm. Perhaps she just wants to protect you, as a member of this lost race. Even if she cannot exploit your abilities directly, you still have importance and could use your abilites for other things eventually. In thinking about it, I do not believe that Pythia's intentions were are all bad, Sookie. Though the emotions that you describe in your attempts to broaden your gift are worrisome. They could overwhelm you, and even damage you without proper training. She has not contacted you in any way since that night?" he asked.

"Well," I said, hesitating. "She has not spoken to me since then, but she sent her handmaiden with a gift, before we left Memphis."

Eric looked surpised. "A gift? What kind of gift? You never said anything about it?"

I was beginning to realize some of the distance I'd felt from Eric since Memphis was my fault, not his. I was the one not sharing information, everywhere I looked.

"It's a bracelet. I'm just afraid to wear it."

"May we see it?" asked Niall.

Silently, I went up to my room and took the bracelet out of the dresser drawer, leaving it wrapped in the scarf.

Once downstairs, I handed the scarf wrapped bracelet to Eric to see. He opened the scarf over the coffee table so Niall could see it as well.

The bracelet was a gold serpent wrapped around and around. Its eyes were emeralds. It was delicate in workmanship.

Niall asked me, "Have you ever put it on?"

"No," I said. "I just get an odd feeling from it. As if she could see me if I was wearing it."

"Perhaps she can," he said with a smile. He reached out to touch it.

"Don't!"

He pulled back puzzled.

"I don't trust her. Not with you, anyway."

"What do you feel when you touch it?"

"I feel peace. And calm."

Niall looked at it closely and placed his hand above it then spoke some words. A white flame emanated from his palm and engulfed the bracelet without touching the scarf surrounding it. He withdrew his hand and the flame turned a vivid emerald green. He gestured for me to pick up the bracelet, which I hesitated to do, since it appeared to be on fire.

"It will not burn you," he said.

As I reached for the bracelet, the color of the flame appeared to darken. Niall grasped my wrist to slow my hand touching it and then slowly moved my hand to within an inch of the metal. The flame changed color, from green, to blue and then to an intense violet. Then he let me pick it up.

"And now?" he asked, curious.

"The same. Peace. Calm."

"Eric?" asked Niall. "It does not affect you? Does not affect your feeling of bondedness to Sookie?"

Eric looked puzzled by the question. "No. Do you think that it could?" He looked apprehensive.

I looped my fingers through the bracelet, giving it more contact with my skin and then held Eric's hand. Still, no change in what I felt from the bracelet, or from Eric.

"Are you sure that the bracelet is not somehow…" I searched for the right words. "Malevolent?" I asked my grandfather.

"It is yours now, Sookie. The green flame was Pythia's. You resonate differently. I truly think that she does not mean either of you any harm," he said looking almost surprised. "Try putting it on."

"What if I can't get it off?" I asked apprehensively.

"Don't worry," assured Niall. "I can remove it."

I slipped the bracelet over my right hand and on to my wrist. The gold began to glow and yet felt cool to the touch. It seemed to adjust its shape to my wrist as if the snake was alive.

_Good. _ I heard somewhere deep in my mind. I jumped!

"What?" Eric and Niall asked simultaneously.

"I think she said 'Good'. I could hear her in my mind." I experimented with taking the bracelet off. It slipped off easily. I put it back down on the table, on the scarf.

Niall looked at me, questioning, "What will you do if her teacher arrives?"

"I do not wish to further my abilities, grandfather." I paused to frame my thoughts. "It is _not_ what I desire."

I continued, "I don't want more power of any sort. I am happy with my life as it is. With myself and my abilities as they are. With Eric." I felt a swell of warmth through the bond at that last bit.

Niall looked at me intently. "_That_ is why, then," he said nodding his head to me.

"Why what?" I countered.

"That is why she will protect you. You have many things that Pythia did not have Sookie. You have choice and freedom. You have love. You are not interested in giving up what you have for what you could become. _She does not tempt you._ You would never use what she has to offer for your own gain. You have what you want. Even when you broadened your ability that night, you did it to protect another."

I puzzled about that thought. "If I had things she did not have, wouldn't that make her envy me?"

"We are old Sookie. She is much older than I am, almost twice my age. Sometimes when you grow very, very old, you are quite content to see that others have things you did not have and you really no longer crave them for yourself. Sometimes you wish to preserve their right to have them, and you enjoy the happiness vicariously. If the bracelet bestows peace and calm, it is perhaps a tonic to exactly what you feared that night, when you felt the hatred and destructiveness in your undeveloped abilities. Perhaps it is an answer to what you saw in yourself. Pythia is difficult and she is demanding. But she is also quite wise. Perhaps she thought that you needed what she has offered you. I would wear the bracelet. If it gives you trouble, you have only to call me."

"You're sure it is not something bad?" I asked earnestly?

"I am," he said firmly.

I picked it up, looking at the emerald eyes. I put it back on my wrist.

_That bastard fairy! _I heard in my mind.

_Hush! _I said internally_._

There arose in my mind a mirthful laughter that seemed unlike that I would have expected from the Pythoness.

_I will know when you are ready for more. Just live your life, child. Ignore Niall's worries. At least I have forced him to pay better attention to you. To tell you about more of yourself. I do so enjoy threatening him._ _He was so agitated, was he not?_ More laughter.

I smiled. I understood a playfulness in her nature that I had not seen before. In spite of Niall's power, she'd toyed with him, teasingly.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation".

**Desiderata**

IV.

After Niall departed we drove to Fangtasia. On the way there Eric took the opportunity to revisit the issue of Victor.

"Sookie, I don't know how to reach you on the subject of Victor. You have some idealized view of him. I'm telling you, you shouldn't trust him or count on him. He's trouble."

"This time, you can trust him."

"I'm not willing to take that risk. And I'm not willing to let you take it either."

"I'm not taking any risks. Victor has protected me, protected my interests."

"Oh really, from what?"

"Victor could have handed me to the police in Vegas, Eric. He found one of Clovache's throwing stars in or near Rasul's room and he gave it back to me. He could have turned me in. He could have used it to blackmail me. He could have given it to Russell as evidence of my involvement in Rasul's death. But he didn't do any of those things. He gave it back to me with a request for nothing other than my friendship."

"Well, how disarming of him. Sookie, Victor is biding his time until he can screw you over. Trust me. I know him. You've known him a few months, I've known him a hundred years."

"Eric, I've been in his head. I'm sure I'd see it if he wasn't sincere."

"You, my Love, are totally naïve and have false faith in your ability. His sentiment at the _moment_ may have been genuine. But even Niall admits his nature. Trusting him would be a mistake you'd be making for both of us because then I'll be the one trying to get us out of whatever trouble he makes."

We were silent for a few moments. There were other things that mattered much more to me.

"Do you want to discuss the other stuff?" I asked.

"What's the point?"

Ouch. I winced and looked out my window.

He sighed.

"Okay. I overreacted in Memphis," he said, keeping his eyes on the road. "But you know, you're always thinking about being independent of me, Sookie, and yet we are so closely tied together. I think of us as one, and you _want_ to be separate. I've got a thousand years of experience telling me that it is not a good thing. We need to work as one. I've got this fear that some day, your luck is going to run out and you'll be forging ahead into fucking disaster. You were so upset that night and I saw you there with Felipe and I just flipped thinking you would tell him in the wrong way and he'd go start a war with somebody, that I could lose you, Pam, everything in one shot. Who knew how he'd react, right? Felipe is all over everything in his regime. He can't delegate well at times. He even tracked me to Merlotte's personally that night, remember, taking absurd risks by going on his own? How could I trust that he wouldn't cause more harm than good?"

Once he was started on the topic Eric seemed as if he was getting more and more upset.

"You never look at it from my perspective, Sookie. You feel I don't see things from your perspective, but when are you looking at things from mine? I've got more experience doing just about everything you've ever done your entire life, Sookie. Even as I human, I was still older than you are now when I died. But you look at so many decisions I make, or actions I take, as being high handed. I _listen_ to your opinions and I am proud of your courage and intelligence. But your lack of acceptance of my greater experience with some things is just simply _infuriating_! You can't dance when both people lead."

He was gripping the steering wheel so hard I was afraid he'd break it. I didn't know what to say in response. He admitted he overreacted. But he felt like I was deliberately keeping myself separate from him? And perhaps I had been. I hadn't shared so much of the preceding weeks with him. And ironically, I had been considering him the distant one...

He braked hard into his parking space, got out and slammed his car door, but still came around and opened mine.

As I got out, I looked up at him to see more than anything else, hurt in his eyes. Of course, I felt more than just that through the bond- anger, frustration, love... but what lingered in my mind was the hurt.

I reminded myself that only six months ago, I'd told myself I would try, really try, to follow his lead on things, to trust Eric's instincts. The best laid plans…

I reached up and brushed the hair back from his face. He turned to go inside without kissing me.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation".

**Desiderata**

V.

Victor was at the bar, seated with Alcide Herveaux, in the midst of what appeared to be a not too cordial discussion. I waved to them both and headed back to the office to stash my purse. I said hi to Clancy and to Thalia, who looked as if she was ready to go home when it was only the beginning of the night. I headed back out to the bar to see Felicia. She smiled in my direction, nodding, but before I could even make it over to her, Victor signaled to me to come over to the table that he and Alcide were at.

I nodded to Victor and said a warm hello Alcide. Although Victor gestured that I should sit next to him, I waved him off and stood at the end of their table, not wanting to appear to choose a side, since it looked to me before as if they had been arguing.

"Sookie, Alcide has been telling me about some of your history with the Shreveport pack. Very interesting," said Victor.

I didn't comment. Alcide was plainly not happy with something. I felt like my presence was an intrusion. I could feel Eric keeping tabs on the whole thing from his booth. I knew he was none too thrilled to have me talking to both these men.

"Alcide has been discussing problems with Jackson vampires interfering with his business in Jackson." I knew that the Herveauxs had a branch of their surveying business in Jackson, Mississippi.

"That's a shame, Alcide," I said sympathetically.

"We feel they are trying to drive Louisiana interests out of the state, Sookie," said Alcide. "Russell Edgington seems to remember that you were in Jackson with me, when you recovered Bill. It seems like he is specifically targeting my company. We've had thefts, vandalism. One of my employees was attacked. We're even having problems with Weres in Jackson."

"Well, I'm confused then. Is it really a general problem with Louisiana based business ventures in Jackson, or just _your_ business, Alcide?" I asked.

Alcide looked a bit taken aback by my response. "Well, I do know a couple of other people having problems but not to the extent that I'm having problems with my Jackson office."

"Why do you think there is a connection to me with respect to your business?"

"Your name was in some of the graffiti that was part of the vandalism at the office."

Oh. Not good.

"I'm so sorry Alcide... I really don't know what to tell you."

"Is there anything going on that we need to know about, Sookie? That's what I was here asking Victor about. I came to ask Eric, but since Victor was here and Sandy hasn't been replaced…."

Victor looked as if he was holding his cards close to his chest on the point.

"Alcide, there's nothing going on that I'd know of. I'm really sorry for your situation. Perhaps you can negotiate with the Jackson packmaster? It would seem his greater loyalty should lie with you rather than with Russell, right? Russell's people would just be a paycheck."

Alcide nodded as if he'd already thought of that. "Sookie, I think you ought to be aware of the fact that it might not be safe for you in Mississippi. I know you did a job for them back in the spring, right?"

I paused. How would Alcide know about that, I wondered? It was a single night's job, in and out of Jackson, and I'd gone with Bill and only dealt with Betty Jo and several humans. I needed to get out of this conversation. There was something fishy going on here.

"Thanks for the heads up, Alcide. I'm not likely to be traveling that much right now anyway, so don't worry. I hope that you can work things out in Jackson. If there's anything you think I could help you with here in Shreveport, you know you can count on me. I need to go give Felicia a hand at the bar. Give my regards to Janice, okay?"

I went to help Felicia out at the bar. It was a Friday night and fairly packed. I helped her with setups and tracking drink orders. She complimented me on my tight black dress, which I'd worn in an attempt to look more Fangtasia-friendly. She was wearing a leopard print outfit that clung to her six foot tall frame outlining every lithe curve.

I was troubled. Had Victor told Alcide that I had worked for Russell in the spring? Why? And could Russell be out to cause problems with anything that even remotely bordered on me? Why go to the trouble? From what I knew of Russell that just wasn't his style. He was stealthier than that. Was Victor behind Alcide's trouble? Was he creating a situation to make Russell look bad?

"So when's Pam coming back in?" asked Felicia.

"I think around the beginning of October. She's not bored with resting yet, which seems to indicate more rest is needed." I smiled at the idea of Pam, resting in the country. She'd been having so much fun with Amelia and Octavia and had frustrated Bill by fussing around in his house. She thought his landscaping was appalling and said he 'looked even poorer than he was'. He'd taken off on a trip to get away from her, leaving Amelia to check on her. Her biting wit was back in fine form already. She was still physically weak, and having periods in which she seemed very edgy, though. I didn't think she was sleeping easily.

"We ought to have a party when she comes back."

"Mmmmm," I said distractedly. "We could do that."

Churning away in my mind was this thought that Victor was up to something. That he had told Alcide information he didn't need to know about my business. That he was engineering a scenario of sorts. That Eric was possibly right after all. Or if not exactly right, more insightful about Victor's nature than I was.

"I'll be back in a minute, Fi."

I went and sat down next to Eric, who was busy texting away on his blackberry. I waited for him to finish while fangbangers walked by looking at me like I was trash to be taken out.

"Lover?"

"Alcide says that his office in Jackson is being bothered by Russell's vamps and local Weres and that vandalism at the office has mentioned me by name. He thinks Russell is targeting him because of me. Does that sound like Russell to you?"

"I don't know. It could be a way of sending a message. Everyone knows you're friendly with Alcide and the Shreveport pack. Why?"

"Alcide knew that I was in Jackson on business with Russell back in the spring. Why would he know that? It was an in and out job and I went with Bill. Unless that was mentioned in the vandalism, which is ridiculous, someone _told_ him I was doing work for Russell, and the only one who would know that other than us is…"

"Victor," sighed Eric.

"That's what I thought."

Eric glanced over my head, at Victor and Alcide, who were finishing up talking. Alcide was standing up, and moving toward leaving.

Eric noted thoughtfully, "Mississippi might be a nice place to live. Victor's lived there before and Russell's compound is quite spacious, as I recall."

I stared at Eric. "You've _got_ to be kidding."

"Well, at least he wouldn't be betraying us. So far. Better than usual."

Victor started heading toward us. He was dressed in his usual well-tailored suit and was smiling with those perfect teeth. He looked quite pleased with himself.

He sat across from us.

Eric put down his phone. "Victor, whatever it is that you're up to, you're leaving us out of it, alright? My people, my businesses, out of it. Clear?"

Victor smiled. "Eric, old sport, what are you prattling on about?"

"So Victor, Niall told me that we're cousins," I said. "He told me the whole story. Including the fact that he intends to keep a close eye on you. You know he'd be furious if you involved me, even by name, in any scheme of yours, right?"

The smile faded. I looked him straight in the eye and felt that he had his mental guard up. The wall was getting higher by the minute.

"Victor!" I said in a low voice.

Victor looked at Eric and then at me. Not fooling Eric. Not fooling me. "Consider it preemptive. He's not going to go away and he's going to continue to be a problem to you."

Eric just picked up his phone and started shaking his head. He softly elbowed me. _Told you so_.

"We don't want to know anything about it. And you're not using any of my people, Victor. You can use your Baton Rouge group. They're nice and fresh and have recent experience," Eric said snidely.

"Sookie, you're looking at me badly. It's all for the greater good. You know they're a bad lot."

"Victor, so help me, if you allow anyone to do anything nasty to Betty Jo, I won't forgive you. Are we clear?"

He leaned forward. "A keeper? Do you think she can be reasoned with?" he asked in a low but very interested voice.

"Victor! You're _impossible_! I trusted you not to make trouble. I trusted you!!!" I hissed in a low voice.

Eric was having a blast looking back and forth between me and Victor.

"I _am_ trustworthy where you're concerned. You know that. But I don't have to stop being ambitious, do I?" he said in a low voice back to me. "It's the _perfect_ opportunity."

"Honestly, Victor. Not even a _month_ of quiet?"

"We need to strike while the iron is hot."

"You're leaving the us out of your 'we'" said Eric firmly, his eyes fixed on Victor.

Just then Michael Cheney, the second to the Sheriff in Baton Rouge, strode into the bar and nodded in Victor's direction. Victor acknowledged him. Eric turned to see who Victor was nodding to and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

Victor was unperturbed.

"Well, I have to run. No worries, Eric. I already surmised how you'd take it. Just laying the ground here with Cheney since I had to be in Shreveport today. Sookie, nothing to worry Niall about, okay?"

He stood and leaned over, took my hand and kissed it, with a merry sparkle in his eyes. "Cousin?" he smiled at me with happy mischief.

"Victor..." I sighed, closed my eyes and shook my head.

Victor headed off to a table with Cheney.

Eric started texting again. "Well, my Love?"

"He's not betraying us, Eric. He's not plotting against us."

"I'm waiting..."

"Alright! You were _partially_ right. But I'm really sure he won't do anything that would harm us."

"Sookie, he's plotting to overthrow Russell Edgington here, in _my_ bar," he said in a very low voice.

"Well, but he's not going to involve us, really. And how can he even do this behind Felipe's back, using Felipe's resources, anyway? How does he think he'll get away with it? _Can_ he actually get away with it?"

"You're beginning to understand Victor. Your relatives, with the notable exception of Claudine, are really something, Sookie."

"Maybe it's just the men? Gran was nice. You would have liked her. She would have loved you."

"Bill seems to think she would have preferred him. All the Southern gentleman business. He actually told me that once, when I first knew you." He paused for a moment, frowning, as if thinking about that. Then his face cleared. "With your heritage being traced through the Tuatha Dé, I'm really thinking we should ask Niall to see if Victor is related to Loki."

"Who was Loki?"

"A Norse god who was pure mischief and mayhem. I'm joking, but would fit Victor perfectly," he said with a chuckle. He glanced back at Victor and Cheney. "It's extremely inconvenient that I can't throw him out because of his rank."

I laughed and then leaned my cheek against his shoulder. "I love you."

"The feeling is mutual," he said coolly.

I elbowed his ribs and he smirked.

"I don't really want to be separate from you, Eric. What I really want is to be respected, to feel like an equal."

"Can you actually think we'd be where we are now if I didn't respect you and feel you were my equal?"

"Sometimes I _don't_ feel that you feel that way."

"You're equal in quality but not in experience, Sookie." He made a face while reading a text message.

"Would you put that thing down? I'm trying to have a serious conversation. Between all the noise and you texting away, it's impossible."

"Maybe I should put it down. Pam is definitely recovering, and she's extremely annoying."

He put down the phone and put his arm around me and turned, pressing his lips against my head and hair.

"Would you accept equal, but with different skills?" he suggested, murmuring into my hair.

"Of course."

"Although, in spite of all the telepathy hocus-pocus, I'm a clearly better judge of character than you are. You should trust me on that."

"Really. But you turned Pam, and now you find her annoying. What happened there?"

He turned even more to look at my face, eyes wide and mischievous.

"Same reason I married you, Lover. I hate being bored. I love a real challenge," he said with a wink. "Go back to the bar or something. We're bad for business sitting and snuggling. Maybe you can try to talk to Thalia. She keeps striking people. She likes you. Maybe you can get through to her. I really can't wait for Pam to come back to work. Pam could always bully Thalia into behaving herself. Thalia just knows I'm not going to do anything to her."

I went to sit with Thalia before going behind the bar. She was Greek and as old as Eric. Tiny, pale, with dark wavy hair and luminous brown eyes. She hated most humans but for some reason she seemed to like me, I guess because I was the 'special' human.

"Thalia, how is it going this evening?"

"I cannot wait to get out of here. These humans are disgusting and I hate them.

"I heard you were hitting people?"

"They deserved it. And I would do worse if I thought Eric would let me."

"You know, the problem is Thalia, that a lot of the humans here are really into kinky stuff. I hear their thoughts all the time and a lot of them are into stuff like that. I think if you hit them, you're just raising their hopes and they'll keep coming back for more."

She turned to me with narrowed eyes. "So I _should not_ hit them?" she said with her odd accent.

"I think just insulting them would be better. Otherwise you're making them happy by giving them what they want and they'll continue to bother you."

"An interesting perspective."

After a few more minutes chatting with Thalia, I went back behind the bar. Felicia smiled down at me, shaking her head with a chuckle. She handed me some of her orders for sorting.

"That was a clever take, Sook."

I shrugged.

"So, Fi, what kind of party do you want to plan for Pam?"


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation".

**Desiderata**

VI.

I rode on the crest of passion, breathless. My hands, pinned down by his hands clasping mine, on either side of my face…

"Look at me, Sookie. Look. At. Me."

I felt as if his voice was inside me, resonating with my pulse, with the very beat of my heart.

My eyes flew open as I tried to steady my breath. I met his dark sapphire eyes above mine. He was still for the moment then, inside me, around me, all throughout me.

"You are my true partner, my equal. And, in the only way that really matters, you are mine and I am yours."

His lips pressed hard into mine, his blood and mine mingled. We were one.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The Sookie Stackhouse Series is the creation of Charlaine Harris. Don't sue me Charlaine! I love your books.

A/N- This story follows "The Gamble" and "Gambit". If you haven't read those two, it won't make much sense. Those two stories follow "From the Beginning" and "Sookie's Revelation".

**Desiderata**

VII.

It was 7 am. I was going to be sorry when I went into Merlottes at 10:30 am. Unable to sleep, I was sitting up, leaning back against the headboard, in bed next to my sleeping Eric. The light from my laptop cast an odd glow about the bedroom. I was researching the Tuatha Dé Danann and the Morrígan. Reading about the people of Danu was confusing. No one knew for certain where they had come from (some said present day Norway, others Scythia) and no one knew where they all went after their time in Ireland had passed and they were conquered by the Milesian peoples. The family tree was a mess and it was hard to keep track of who was who because so many of them had multiple names. No matter how you looked at it though, I was unsettled by them.

The name Morrígan came from the Gaelic _Mór Rígan_ which means Great Queen. The Morrígan, just as Eric had told me, was depicted as a terrifying figure. When spurned by a man, Cúchulainn, she impedes his progress in battle, almost causing his death, but he injures her three times and then heals her. She was both a true shapeshifter and a seer. Some associated her with the Valkyries and said she 'selected' those who would die in battle. She was a female warrior among men, had slain kings and was 'both fierce and erotic' according to one author. The Morrígan was a role model for strong and independent people, said another, in a modern reinterpretation of her role in pre-Celtic history. And here I was, so stressed reading all of this that I chose to stay in bed near my husband, while I read it. How could I have _that_ blood in _my_ veins, I wondered? Why not Brigid, who was associated with healing and art? My finger traced Morrígan's descendants through her daughter Aine.

I thought about my simple human blood, which was mixed with fairy blood from Niall, that from Gran's family which might also have some telepathic gift, the Tuatha Dé bloodline of my mother's side of the family and all of the blood I'd had from Eric, which on its own was like plugging myself directly into some kind of power source at times. It had all converged on what happened that night the week before the summit. I was upset that my grandfather was fighting with the man I loved, worried he could hurt him. Just as I was upset to think of someone hurting Pam. Maybe this would be the end of it.

I fingered the bracelet the Pythoness gave me and thought to myself, _I just have to find peace_.

It didn't really matter where I came from, or what I was.

I'll just keep telling myself that.

I already have everything else I desire.


End file.
